Wednesday 02 March 2011
About two months ago it said that we have from our experiences, thoughts and everyday life, and just as I was the last post about very different needs and expectations again perused, I was again aware ; that I could not grasp the Sun two years ago in this manner, let alone experience.
have certainly I knew even then how I can best deal with such an experience, I would have also guaranteed in any personality test from magazines and from the clinics crosses at the "correct" point made, but it was not yet possible to act on promises.
I acted more as always with an aching feeling in the chest, an idea that I myself give up, "only" in order to meet the expectations of others. This makes them happy, so they like me and make me so happy. I write only deliberately in quotes, because it meant much more than just to fulfill expectations. It was the only way to define myself! The only way I know. And he was also an endless spiral, a vicious circle.
The feeling myself not eating recognize me. I was only a shell, I was the emptiness, fill had to be , because they would have (ie myself) I usually devoured. I myself could not fill that void (ie myself), so there was nothing else to leave as they fill.
I was only when others thought I was somebody.
I was what others thought of me.
No more, no less.
I do not remember exactly when I started to get a picture of my own. It is far from being complete. But there is a beginning!
And how important is really a beginning, I do not have long understood. No, I wanted to do only to possible quickly get to your destination - this is a beginning of something significant, that is a beginning and an end of something else and thus creates the way for something new that was not clear to me. In me was clear: "A start has nothing, is the most important goal is only when I'm at goal, I achieved something!"
What a fallacy.
Whether it's first in the head click or in the heart: as soon as you start to see a single thing differently, see differently.
Because we perceive a different, more can perceive. This one has to recognize the possibility . And this recognition gives us the opportunity decide to reboot.
If you are prepared, the way that is not as difficult as you imagine it. We grow up with that is it.
The soul knows its own (thankfully) pretty much what we really stand. We hear so aufheimsen not do things that we can not manage. So that they would destroy us and even and that is exactly what she wants to avoid always and forever. (In our case, by displacement, dissociation, splitting off.)
But there is something important and in certain areas (which have to do with the many-being) very heavy, I think. Because to even begin to be able to doubt it needs. Perhaps a little doubt as to what others say (the family, the head of the perpetrators, the neighbor, or oneself). Perhaps doubts that have occurred in other (or oneself) behave in a situation. Without doubt, one has to think not, no one considered. And who is not considering or thinking that is not doubted.
But how can you "suddenly" doubt, but if you have not previously doubted?
It is important to know that "no doubt" usually has a good reason or was. Just look through the right not to question not it was possible to survive and to find for itself a way to deal with things that happen.
It's hard to take that step at the threshold, because they feel that you can not take a lot through the door. And even if most of the things that remain and would never actually have to do, so you can not help feeling that one loses something. Something that makes one, it is believed. One has nothing else. That's so afraid that one tends rather quickly to a long-standing direction, namely to say in the ': Okay, I'm somehow clear. I'll just keep his eyes open. It's all really not that bad.
course you lose some, but only to gain something much more beautiful! Freedom of thought, freedom of choice, I own!
You experience the fear of consequences anymore because you have weighed the consequences and then decide yourself. It no longer feels like a nothing without "the other" because it feels too often, what strengths and interests lie dormant in himself. It is not so easy to lose yourself because you yourself have a lot more.
to grasp all this or to guess when you stand before the threshold is impossible. I myself have never believed that I could feel so secure in myself. But it is really possible. Individually, according to his own ideas. Although it initially only very, very dare are. They exchanged a lazy quasi
Egg against a young chicken. And even if you get used to the foul odor, even somehow missed him, the day will come when we, the young chicken is so fond, that he keeps away all the rotten eggs to protect them.
